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Even in sound churches with the best of intentions, God's core unit, the family, is often torn apart in the very place where its unity and Divine purpose should be the most heavily stressed. But a small but growing number of churches are bucking the trend to divide the Christian family at the church door by pursuing a much more Biblical pattern of worship, instruction, and fellowship.
Like most church-going families in our time, Dad, Mom, Rebecca, and Stephen rode to church together last Sunday morning. Once they reached the parking lot, however, they saw little of each other until it was time to go home - and knew little or nothing about what the others were doing or learning.
Rebecca went off to a Sunday school class of third and fourth graders in which the Bible verse snippet "Perfect love casts out fear" (from 1 John 4:18) was supposedly demonstrated by a "fear experiment" in blowing up balloons until they popped.1
Stephen went off to a class of preteens in which students dressed up as rock stars and imitated them, as part of a lesson on how God allegedly measures success.2
Mom went off to a class for "professional women under 40" who sat in a circle, drank coffee, and with the help of a "facilitator" took turns responding to the question of the day, "How do I handle blessings and chastenings?" with little or no recourse to Scripture.
Dad went off to a class studying the book, Why Men Hate Going to Church, which is based on psychology and anthropology and rarely even mentions Scripture.3
After Sunday school, Mom and Dad sat together in the "main" service while Rebecca went to an activity in another part of the building called The Encounter, and Stephen went to one called CrossFire. In both of these, the emphasis was on singing popular religious songs with little Biblical content. A few minutes at the end were devoted to a period of "spiritual formation" in which the young people were encouraged to close their eyes and repeat a word or phrase suggested by the leader, while engaging in "contemplative meditation" about their relationship with God.4
The picture I have just painted is a montage from several churches. Not every church has such incredibly poor content in its classes and services, but the culture of dividing the family is pervasive among Evangelicals - not only during the Sunday school hour, but also during the main service and on weeknights.
Undermining God's Design
Even in sound churches with the best of intentions, God's core unit, the family, is constantly torn apart in the very place in which its unity and Divine purpose should be most heavily stressed and staunchly supported. In the divided-family church culture, parents exercise little or no oversight in their children's activities within the church. In fact, paid specialists on the church staff often discourage parents from becoming involved. Sad to say, some parents actually welcome this. I have even heard parents speak of the church's Sunday morning activities as "a mini-vacation from my children."
The divided-family church model also involves an assumption that all family members receive proper Biblical instruction - which is often not the case, as the real-world examples above demonstrate. In the divided-family church culture, it is easy for parents to abdicate their Biblical responsibility for the evangelization of their children, and their spiritual instruction and growth.
Another insidious problem of the divided-family model is the frequent underlying assumption that children and teens will not come to church, or learn anything while there, unless it is "fun." The postmodern church has widely accepted the secular educational model, which says that students will not learn unless learning is somehow entertaining. When this thinking is applied to the church, what is the result? Most children do not become more interested in learning about Christ, His Word, salvation, and sanctification; they become interested in having "fun."
We are now seeing the sad results of this phenomenon: Many of these young people have now become adults. They are insisting that their church service must be just as "fun" as the ones they experienced when they were younger. And so, in growing numbers of churches, the main service is being dumbed-down to accommodate the demand of a new generation to be entertained rather than face spiritual realities.
The question must be asked: Do churches really expect the children and teenagers they entertain on Sundays (or increasingly, Saturday nights) to want something different in the "main" service when they reach their twenties, thirties, and forties? Having sown the wind, these churches are reaping the whirlwind.
A Parental Responsibility
It was not always thus. The divided-family model is a relatively recent development in the long history of the Evangelical church. It began in early forms of the Sunday school movement in the late 1700s, and became more common during the 19th century. But the divided-family model really became dominant only in the 20th century.
How does this development comport with God's Word? In view of the perils that accompany it, we must carefully compare the practices of the postmodern church with the imperatives of Scripture.
God's Word makes it clear that parents - fathers in particular - have a key responsibility in the Lord's design for the spiritual nurture of their children, in both home and church contexts.
Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)
For He established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children; that the generation to come might know them, the children who would be born, that they may arise and declare them to their children, that they may set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments; and may not be like their [earlier] fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation that did not set its heart aright, and whose spirit was not faithful to God. (Psalm 78:5-8)
Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; and His greatness is unsearchable. One generation shall praise Your works to another, and shall declare Your mighty acts. (Psalm 145:3-4)
The living, the living man, he shall praise You, as I do this day; the father shall make known Your truth to the children. (Isaiah 38:19)
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth." And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:1-4)
...I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also. . . But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. (2 Timothy 1:5, 3:14-15)
O Timothy! Guard what was committed to your trust, avoiding the profane and idle babblings and contradictions of what is falsely called knowledge - by professing it some have strayed concerning the faith. (1 Timothy 6:20-21)
How can this clear parental responsibility for the evangelism and edification of children best be carried out within the church context? I submit that it is through a family-integrated rather than a divided-family paradigm of church instruction and worship. Growing numbers of churches are bucking the trend to divide the Christian family and open the door to the snares of the Balkanized church, and are pursuing the family-integrated model instead.
What Is a Family-Integrated Church?
The following is from the website of a church that has implemented this model and has done an exceptionally good job of briefly describing it:
Family integrated churches come in all shapes, sizes and varieties. . . While no two FICs are exactly alike, they do have certain distinctives in common.
Families Worship Together
If you've ever walked into a family-integrated church during a worship service, perhaps the first thing that struck you was the fact that there were so many babies and small children in the service. We have grown accustomed to the presence of children in the service, and the children grow accustomed to being a part of the worship experience. No one will stop you at the door if you try to enter our service with your toddler.
No Systematic Age Segregation
One of the biggest distinctions of a family-integrated church is the absence of age-graded ministries. We do not have segregated youth ministry, or children's ministry. First, these ministries are not part of the Biblical church model. The Bible is clear on whose job it is to disciple children: parents. Second, these [divided-family] ministries can work against the Biblical mode. Parents who are relieved of their discipleship duties tend to become dependent on those who have taken over the job... The largest rise of youth professionals in [church] history has been accompanied by a decline in youth evangelism effectiveness.
Evangelism/Discipleship Through Homes
We teach parents to evangelize and disciple their children and their neighbors. We emphasize the ministry of hospitality, family worship, catechism, and family discipleship. Thus, instead of placing the burden on paid professionals to "do the work of the ministry," we equip the saints to do it.
Education as a Key Component of Discipleship
Jesus said, "A pupil is not above his teacher, but everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher" (Luke 6:40). Whoever educates a child is discipling that child. We work hard to help parents see the importance of Christian education, and to help them make Biblical choices as it relates to this part of their children's discipleship.5
Churches of all sizes should seriously consider a shift away from practices that divide the family, and toward the goal of fully implementing family-integrated ministry. Such a change takes time and preparation - especially of the congregation - but it will be worth the effort. One of the great advantages is that a pastor can spend far less time on administration, and more time on his preparation to feed and shepherd the flock of God.
When one family-integrated church pastor I know is asked by visitors, "Do you have a program for youth?" his answer is, "Yes we do, and it's called the family." When asked if his church has a youth pastor, he says, "Yes, we have dozens of them; they're called fathers." When young people from broken homes, or homes without Christian parents come into the church, efforts are made to make them comfortable within the family setting, and to reach their parents with the Gospel.
I have the opportunity to preach in churches that are pursuing this new-but-old paradigm, and I usually notice the difference immediately. The children in family-integrated churches are, as a rule, far more actively engaged in learning and worship than their counterparts elsewhere. So are their parents - who, under careful pastoral leadership, are taking direct, vital responsibility for their children's understanding of the Gospel and growth in the faith.
References:
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This is one of the suggested activities in a recent curriculum published by Gospel Light called Give Me Jesus.
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This is a suggested activity from a recent curriculum published by Gospel Light called The Edge.
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This book is now a standard official curriculum offering in the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA) and is used in many other churches. It was written by Dave Murrows, an elder in the ultra-liberal Presbyterian Church USA, and founder of Church for Men.
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The so-called "spiritual formation" movement is bringing forms of transcendental meditation and "centering prayer" (a long-time Roman Catholic practice) into Evangelical churches.
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From "FIC Ministry Model" as viewed 5/13/2013 at http://www.gracefamilybaptist.net/what-we-believe/fic-ministry-model. Our citation of this material does not constitute an endorsement of this church, or other material on its website.
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